How to Be the Real You: Astrology, Authenticity, and the Mirror of Connection
- Shanae Smith
- Jan 22, 2022
- 8 min read
Updated: Mar 5
Have you ever felt like you're playing a role rather than truly living as yourself? Maybe you shift between different versions of yourself depending on who you're with—professional at work, agreeable in social settings, hesitant to express opinions in relationships. The struggle to be 'the real you' isn’t about faking it—it’s about figuring out which version of yourself actually feels aligned, and which part of you is required based on the setting.
You don’t have to be the exact same person at work, with family, and with friends to be ‘authentic.’ That’s not faking it—it’s emotional intelligence. The key is understanding who you are at your core and making sure that, no matter where you are, your choices align with your values—not just external expectations.
Why Read This Post? - What You'll Gain
By reading this post, you’ll learn how to:
Recognize the difference between authenticity and conditioning so you can stop second-guessing yourself and confidently embrace your true nature.
Understand how astrology reveals your natural energy and expression so you can align your life with your core strengths instead of fighting against them.
Manage others’ expectations of you with awareness so you can communicate who you are without feeling the need to shrink or over-explain yourself.
Navigate the challenge of not being accepted for your authentic self so you can stand firm in who you are, even when others don’t understand or approve.
Stop bending yourself to fit spaces that weren’t meant for you so you can build relationships and opportunities that genuinely support your full expression.
When You Feel Misunderstood, This Might Be Why
On December 7, 2019, it finally dawned on me why so many people were turned off by me. People—mostly those I knew pretty well—often told me I was "too much." Too abrasive, too opinionated, a b--... well, you know—not worth dealing with anyway.
I was always shocked and blindsided by this because I genuinely believed I was an excellent person to have on your team. If you had a problem, I’d wrack my brain for a solution. If you needed me, I’d drop everything to be there. My resources were your resources, and I always took action to help.
Many challenges with identity stem from how we relate to others. As The Courage to Be Disliked explains, "all problems are interpersonal relationship problems."
Understanding who you are often requires looking at how you show up in relationships, the roles you play, and the expectations you carry. This can feel overwhelming—but astrology provides a lens to explore these dynamics with curiosity and clarity, rather than self-judgment.
After years of being told I was "too much," I started dulling myself down. But astrology showed me something crucial: who I was wasn’t "wrong" or unloveable—I was just misunderstood. The right people—my true chosen family—would not only accept this but crave it.
The only problem was, how would they know I was one of them if I was busy wearing a social costume?
This is where astrology becomes powerful. Instead of second-guessing yourself or forcing yourself to fit a mold, astrology reveals how you naturally express yourself. Your birth chart isn’t a rulebook—it’s a blueprint.
It shows:
Where your true strengths lie
What aspects of yourself you’ve been hiding or suppressing
How to embrace the parts of you that make you unique
So if you’ve ever felt misunderstood, maybe you’re not the problem—maybe you just haven’t seen yourself clearly yet.
Astrology’s Role in Understanding your True Self
Now, with a deeper understanding of my astrology chart, I can see why I was experiencing this disconnect.
My Taurus Sun and Scorpio Moon—the loyalty, the resources, and the intensity—were there, but that’s not what people were picking up on. When I communicate with people I’m comfortable with, my Aries Mercury takes over: passionate, bold, and direct, loud. Aries speaks WAY louder than Taurus and Scorpio.
And that’s not even the whole picture. My Capricorn Rising—the first impression I give off—comes across as serious, reserved, and responsible. So people expected one thing but got another when they got to know me. Sorry I'm actually not reserved, serious, or responsible. 😂
I wasn’t trying to mislead anyone—this is just how astrology works. We are all layered. You might be experiencing your own version of this.
Maybe your Cancer Sun makes you deeply emotional, but your Aquarius Rising makes you seem detached and analytical at first.
Maybe your Gemini Mercury makes you social and talkative, but your Scorpio Moon makes you deeply private about personal matters.
This isn’t inauthenticity—it’s complexity.
How Astrology Can Help You Find Your True Self
Through astrology, I realized the way I was presenting myself wasn’t inauthentic—it was just incomplete. Instead of trying to fix myself, I started to understand myself.
Astrology helped me:
✅ Embrace my Taurus Sun and Scorpio Moon’s loyalty and depth
✅ Own my Aries Mercury’s fire and directness
✅ Acknowledge that people expected me to be serious, reserved, and responsible
✅ Balance these energies instead of suppressing them
You don’t need astrology to become more authentic. But it fast-tracks the process. Without it, you might spend years trying to untangle which parts of you are genuine and which are conditioned responses. With it, you have a blueprint that helps you see yourself with clarity and compassion.
Once you start seeing how these pieces fit together, your authentic self won’t feel like a mystery—it will feel like home.
How to Find Your Core Placements
If you're new to astrology, here’s a quick way to find your core placements:
🌞 Sun Sign – Who you are at your core
🌙 Moon Sign – Your emotional world and subconscious patterns
🌅 Rising Sign – How you interact with the world and how others see you
👉 Want to start decoding your own placements? Start by finding your Sun, Moon, Rising, and Mercury. Here’s how to locate them: Beginner Astrology Guide: Get Your Natal Chart
Knowing yourself is one thing. Owning it is another. Once you understand your astrology chart and how different parts of you interact, you can start showing up in ways that feel more natural, effortless, and aligned. You’ll recognize why certain dynamics in your life keep playing out—and better yet, how to stop bending yourself to fit into spaces that were never meant for you.
But here’s the next challenge: What happens when your authenticity isn’t met with applause? What if stepping into your true self loses you people instead of gaining you acceptance?
That’s where the real work begins.
What If My Authentic Self Isn’t Accepted?
Here’s the truth: Not everyone is going to like you. This is not a bad thing. If you’ve spent years twisting yourself into a version of you that’s easier for others to handle, it can feel terrifying to drop the mask.
But ask yourself: Do I actually want to be accepted? Do I really want to tolerate a watered-down, hollow version of me that’s been carefully curated for their comfort? I have to shrink, and change, and tip-toe to be accepted, was I ever really truly accepted in the first place?
Some people will fall away when you step into your full self. That’s inevitable. And guess what? That’s not a loss—that’s a filtering process.
When you stop catering to those who only like the watered-down version of you, you make space for the people who crave what you actually bring to the table. The ones who think your boldness, depth, passion, or weird niche interests are the exact things that make you amazing.
💡 Astrology Insight: Your chart can reveal a lot about where you might struggle with this.
If you have strong Libra or 7th house energy, you may feel pressure to be likable, diplomatic, or to avoid conflict—even at the cost of your own authenticity.
If your Sun, Moon or Ascendant is in an often misunderstood sign (like Scorpio, Aquarius, or Capricorn), you may naturally repel as many people as you attract. That’s okay—you’re not here to be for everyone.
If you have planets in your 12th house, you may struggle with feeling invisible or like people don’t see the real you. Understanding this can help you navigate the balance of self-expression and self-protection.
If you have Pluto or Chiron in social houses (3, 7, or 11), you might feel a deep-seated fear of truly being yourself—like exposing the real you is dangerous. But here’s the kicker: People pick up on that. They sense something’s “off,” even if they can’t pinpoint why. And often? It’s because YOU aren’t actually showing up as YOU.
When People Reject the Real You
So what happens if you show up fully as yourself, and someone recoils? It stings, of course. But here’s a reframe:
❌ Wrong perspective: I need to change to be more acceptable.
✅ Right perspective: That person was never meant for me, and that’s valuable information.
Not everyone is equipped to handle your energy. That’s a them problem, not a you problem (although you could strive to see it doesn't have to be a problem at all). It doesn’t mean you should harden or become bitter—it just means you get to redirect your energy toward people who genuinely align with you instead of exhausting yourself trying to win over people who never will.
Building confidence in your identity is a journey that starts with self-reflection and courage. For more practical steps and insights, check out my post on building confidence called Stop Caring What Others Think and Build Confidence in Yourself. It’s designed to help you take what you’ve uncovered about yourself and turn it into actionable growth.
Take It Further with an Astrology Reading with Shanae Smith
👉 If you’re tired of trying to figure this out on your own and want an actual roadmap for embracing your real self, let’s dive into your birth chart together. Book a 1:1 consultation and let’s get you aligned. Book a consultation with me here.
Wondering about Shanae's Astrology Services?
Being the real you starts with understanding who you truly are. Astrology isn’t about telling you who to be—it’s about helping you recognize your natural strengths, patterns, and purpose so you can live in alignment with yourself.
New to astrology? My Natal Chart Tour gives you a beginner-friendly breakdown of your chart, helping you see the key placements that shape your personality, desires, and life path.
Want to align your goals with your true self? My 5-Day Mini Course: Setting Aligned Goals That Work for You teaches you how to use astrology as a tool for making intentional, authentic decisions.
Looking for deeper insight? A one-on-one astrology consultation can help you explore your chart’s unique blueprint—so you can embrace who you are with confidence.
You don’t need to become yourself—you just need to trust who you already are.
Key Takeaways Section
Authenticity isn’t about changing yourself—it’s about fully owning who you already are. The parts of you that feel "too much" or "not enough" aren’t flaws; they just need to be expressed in the right environment.
Your astrology chart provides a roadmap for understanding yourself. Your Sun, Moon, Rising, and Mercury placements reveal how you naturally express yourself, communicate, and process emotions.
Managing expectations isn’t about people-pleasing—it’s about clarity. When you understand what people expect from you based on your Rising sign, you can navigate relationships more effectively while staying true to yourself.
Not everyone will accept your authentic self—and that’s okay. Your goal isn’t universal approval; it’s alignment with people and spaces that honor and celebrate who you truly are.
You don’t have to force yourself to fit into places that don’t fit you. Your chart can guide you toward environments, relationships, and career paths where your energy is naturally supported and valued.
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