Why I Stopped Seeking Approval & Started Leading My Own Life – Navigating Hard Astrology Transits

For so long, I lived my life as if I was waiting for permission. Permission to take up space. Permission to lead. Permission to step fully into who I am.

But the truth is—no one was ever going to give me that permission. I had to claim it for myself.

Astrology didn’t just help me understand this—it showed me why it was happening in the first place. And more importantly, how to break the cycle.

A woman in a blue dress, stylish hat, and brown suede cowboy boots walks a runway with a spotlight piercing the darkness above her

Introduction: Reflecting on Life Through an Astrological Lens

This post is a deeply personal reflection on my journey—how I’ve come to understand myself, my challenges, and my path through astrology and life experiences. It’s not a guide or a “how-to,” but rather a snapshot of where I’ve been, where I am, and how astrology has played a role in shaping my perspective. If you’re on a similar journey of self-discovery, I hope you’ll find some resonance here.

The Weight of Knowing Your Chart

It has been a minute since I've felt called to talk about astrology.

It felt like the more I got to know about my own chart the more that it seemed impossible to actually have an enjoyable life. There was always something "wrong" with the transits that gave me the opportunity to feel shitty about something.

Get this --

Grand Cross is highlighted in red, T Square is highlighted in Orange

I have a strong cardinal T square, a grand fixed cross, and a gnarly mutual reception between Moon and Mars in their respective exiles (PLUS conjunctions with Chiron and Pluto!) that create even gnarlier grand trines during any Pisces movement.

This means that Aries, Taurus, Cancer, Leo, Libra, Scorpio, Capricorn, Aquarius and Pisces seasons and transits are all some flavor of challenging. I'd also add Sagittarius since it's the ruler of my 12th house.

Having Capricorn rising is pretty difficult too, because of where Saturn finds his strength. Saturn is the ruler of Capricorn and Aquarius, which means that when he enters Capricorn we all start a marathon enduring Saturn in his own abode's where he has all of the support and tools he could ever want -- for 6 years in a row.

While nearly everyone finds this tour tiring, it's especially hard for Capricorn or Aquarius risings that don't have any Capricorn personal planets. There is very little about me personally that is accustomed to, let alone prefers, Saturnian energy.

I am a Taurus Sun, Gemini Venus and Cancer Mars! My Mercury in Aries is bored to DEATH of Saturn. Don't get me started on my Scorpio Moon who is never really happy with anything.

Bring on Gemini and Virgo season, I guess. 2/12 is a pretty small window of time to be feeling in alignment for an entire year.

Reflection Questions for Your Own Participation

• Have you ever felt like you were waiting for permission to take action in your life?

• Where are you playing small, even though you feel something bigger calling you?

• What would it look like to fully step into your own leadership?

When I started reflecting on this pattern, I realized something—I was acting completely out of alignment with my own energy. Leo is bold. Leo leads. Leo steps forward, even when no one is watching.

So why was I waiting? Why was I holding back?

Adopting a New Attitude: "Fuck It" Energy (Feat: Leo Season); A Time for Reflection and Growth - Leading My Own Life

I've adopted a fuckit attitude as well as read Existential Kink by Carolyn Elliot and A Happy Pocket Full of Money by David Cameron Gikandi and The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson to better cultivate my fuckit attitude. So far its working great.

Now, Leo season is in full swing activating my fixed grand cross. This time of year usually feels very heavy and emotional for me.

The new moon we're in the middle of now is conjunct my Leo Jupiter, and activating with my Sun, Moon (wider orb) and Saturn, activating my 2nd, 8th, 5th, and 11th houses. Money, creativity, and audience, all highlighted.

Here's how I see that break down.

A new beginning (new moon) around my expanding (Jupiter) shared resources (8th house), earnings (2nd house) and illuminating (Sun opposition) my current financial structures (Saturn in 2nd), and it's connection (or transformation - Pluto) to my creativity/life force (the Sun/5th house) and the audience (11th house) who supports my work (MC) and my emotional attachment and connection (Moon) to them.

During a time where Mars, Uranus and the North Node are all conjoining in my 5th house of creativity, hobbies, art, exhilaration.

This is a time where I'm being led toward the uncomfortable but growth oriented and unknown future (North Node) of surprises, newness, and flashes of insight (Uranus), where I'm dealing with conflicts (Mars) of interests (5th house) directly (Mars/Sun conjunction opposing Moon) especially between my codependency tendency to rely on my shared resources (Jupiter in 8H) vs my own independent earnings (Saturn in 2H).

The Struggle with Clarity and Commitment

Recently, I changed my IG bio to idefk what I'm doing. Because it feels like as soon as I find something, I'm off the wagon. I fizzle immediately! If you knew the teenager Shanae you may have had to read that sentence a second time.

I keep finding that as soon as I say out loud to someone 'THIS'. This is the thing!

I lose track of where I'm going with that thing.

No surprise. Planets are slowing down and the clarity we thought we had in the spring of 2022 on our direction is now up for major re-inspection. Jupiter is about to throw it in reverse, and Saturn's already been backing up in Aquarius for some time now.

But now, with the Leo New Moon we're ALL being asked:

Whats a new beginning that will help me even further be myself and encourage me to lead from my heart?

I've written about Leo energy before, but just in case you haven't seen that, the jist is Leo is the king, and a generous leader. He's not a tyrannical monarch, he's a kind and giving King whose kingdom adores him because he leads generously and with his subjects in mind. This is the dynamic between Leo (king) and Aquarius (the people).

The decisions we're coming to around 'this way to be more authentic to ourselves' didn't just pop up today, nor did they start last week or last month. This moment of reflection didn’t come out of nowhere. It’s been building over time, tied to a series of eclipses and lunations:

A Timeline of Transformation

The first event on this timeline was the November 19th Taurus/Scorpio eclipse. This was just a teaser of what was to come.

I couldn't handle my part time job any longer. I felt like an NPC and like everyone around me was an NPC. I had an existential crisis, and an emotional breakdown and left my position at a company I'd been with for nearly 15 years.

It came on suddenly. Prior to that, I wasn't *THAT* uncomfortable. But this eclipse brought it into my full view.

On January 18/19th, during the Full Moon in Cancer - giving me a clue around what this 18 month cycle was about -- I posted this on IG and FB

The jist of that post is that I was coming to terms with the fact that I have many talents and many interests and that I was having a hard time pinning down just one thing that I want to claim as mine and "for me".

I was unhappy with the way I felt after I committed to something (except people - no problems committing to people over here), and my tendency to over policy-ize and over then under commit to everything in my career.

Living an Authentic Life

The issue is that after I posted that, I basically just continued on the same path I was on, didn't do anything to actually live in the reality..

I eventually stopped talking about astrology and only talked about photography.

Then I stopped talking about photography and disappeared off the planet while I investigated another thing that might be for me, that I'm keeping close to my chest because I'm still DOING IT DAMNIT.

(Future Shanae here, updating links and things...no idea what this thing is. lmao)

The reoccurring mantra in my mind for the last 5 years has been "I'm just DOING THINGS POORLY! I can just DO THEM BETTER!"

This is not a great strategy for success.

On 2/15, around the time of the Leo full moon, nothing much had changed. I was still focusing on only one thing, but not really happy with anything.

Things stayed mostly the same until the eclipse on 4/30. This is around the time of my birthday, and while I enjoyed many birthday celebrations with almost everyone that I could choose to spend it with, I felt on edge (duh it's an eclipse), and more irritation with my lack of commitment and passion to my "thing".

Shortly after requesting like 20 different astrology and self help books for my birthday (🙄), I decided I needed a break from astrology, for all the reasons I stated above.

It was feeling impossible to live in the moment, and all signs were pointing toward me STILL playing the wrong character in this play called life.

(In case you were unaware, and are old enough, the cycles that you're going through now are likely thematically similar to the cycles you were going through 9 and 18 years ago. If you'd like to think back that is 1994-1995 and the end of 2002 - beginning of 2005.

So what now?

All this to say that it's not that I don't know what I'm doing, or who I am, or what I'm good at, or even how I like to spend my time.

I know all of that, the issue is most likely that I'm constantly trying to wear only only one outfit, when I know that my wardrobe is fresh to death, with lots of outfits are dying to be worn.

I realized I don't need to have a business, or be a CEO of a company, necessarily. I have high value skills.

And I can offer them as my multi-faceted, multi-talented self.

All while being available to my senior dog, honoring my lazy-girl-boss energy, and working with my so far very unhelpful rebel without a cause anti-authority complex. I just need to start leading my own life.

So.

Here's what I do for money...at least for now (if i feel like it??/confusedshrug).

1. bomb ass full service luxury portrait and boudoir photo shoots all over the US- check my profiles for countless examples and subscribe to keep seeing my bomb ass art. You pay for everything up front, no hidden fees, no surprises, love your photos or get all the non-travel and non-styling costs back.

2. fashion/lifestyle photography for boutiques, influencers, content creators and coaches, salons, florists, fashion designers, artists, spas etc. I am also a great writer, and when I have a session with you I write about you for my blog.

3. sales - The idea here is like this: a company pays me a % of reoccurring payments with clients I close for their company. I'm looking to build recurring passive income here, but open to the universe showing me opportunities.

4. astrology conversations - you ask me questions, I give you my thoughts astrologically speaking. You are to be aware that I'm at the beginning/middle of the intermediate stage, not an advanced astrologer (most advanced astrologers are booked for the year ahead, or no longer do consultations and do mostly research).

5. writing - obviously.

6+7. some things I'm not sharing yet (future shanae here: still don't know what this was?? haha)

8 . crypto/stock investments, staking, lunar cycling etc

So In Conclusion, I Guess

Leo energy isn’t about waiting—it’s about deciding that this moment is the right one. It’s about owning your space, trusting your vision, and refusing to dim your light for anyone.

No one is going to hand you the permission slip to take charge of your life. No one is coming to tell you it’s time to step into your power. That’s a choice only you can make.

Whether or not Leo dominates your chart, this energy lives somewhere in you. It’s the part of you that wants to take up space, to be seen, to stop shrinking for the comfort of others. And the moment you stop waiting and start leading, everything shifts.

For a decade, I let fear keep me from leading my own life. Now I see exactly why that left me unhappy.

So when this Leo new moon asked me, "I'm the God of my reality, so wtf am I doing asking for everyone’s opinions?"—I finally had an answer.

I’m not. Not anymore.

Resonating with this journey of self-leadership? Astrology has been a powerful tool in my own growth, and it can be in yours too. If you're curious about your own chart, here are a few ways to explore it:

• Brand new to astrology? My Natal Chart Tour is a simple, beginner-friendly breakdown of your chart.

• Want to align your life with astrology’s cycles? My 5-Day Mini Course can help you set goals that actually stick.

  
  

➡️ Check out the Natal Chart Tour Here

➡️ Start the Mini Course Here

Your story is still being written—make sure you’re the one holding the pen.